Asking Eric: Husband has extreme reaction to wife’s affection

Dear Eric My husband and I have worked hard to create consistent communication in our relationship that has lasted years We have both struggled to get to a good place which we thought we had achieved Then a month ago my son was home from college My husband his stepdad my son and I were watching TV My son was sitting next to me I started rubbing his head like when he was little while we were all sitting there This lasted for about an hour The next day my husband was very upset and weirded out by my behavior He mentioned it was infantilizing I agreed and announced I wouldn t do it again However he is so disturbed by the behavior that he is not able to touch me We have been sleeping in separate bedrooms since He suggested that we see a counselor I am struggling to see my behavior as harmful or disturbing I think he demands me to see my behavior the same way as he does I think he sees me as taking advantage of my son in particular way I don t see how a counselor can help and I am afraid that this experience will end us Any thoughts you can offer are helpful I ve tried my best to be as objective and fair as doable in presenting this complication to you without sharing a decade of context I hope you have enough information This specific issue has not come up before Marriage Advice Dear Marriage There s something going on with your husband that doesn t have anything to do with you I m not going to hazard a guess as to what it is but talking with him about what happened in counseling could shed chosen light and hopefully get him to a place where he can deal with it individually His response was extreme and seemingly unnecessary From what you wrote you and your son have an affectionate relationship he gave you consent to touch him and the way you touched him was appropriate and safe So the issue isn t your behavior Continuing to have conversations about it at home with your husband isn t likely to get you anywhere if he can t see that But a neutral third party may be able to help you both conduct a conversation with guardrails and steer him into a healthier place Dear Eric I would like your advice on how to respond politely when someone tries to show you phone photos while you wait for them to fish through what seems like hundreds I am a board member of a plant society where our meetings are very busy and I have lots to do One older gentleman wants to show me plant photos while I am trying to set up for the meeting I don t want to be rude but I have several duties The other is a family member who likes to show photos of people I don t know while I m preparing for dinner or a party I would enjoy seeing these things at another time and also not have to wait while they search through their photos I do not want to hurt their feelings Suggestions Not Now Please Dear Not Now Honesty plain and simple is going to be your friend here I d love to see your photos but I want to give them my full attention Can you wait until I m finished doing this You might even ask the older gentleman or the family member to help you complete your task instead of distracting you But this of subject depends on how good they are at helping If they re going to slow you down it might be best to ask them to just organize their photos and wait a bit Dear Eric I d like to offer various additional thoughts to Carpooling whose friend required for occasional assistance in driving the friend s mentally challenged son Carpooling mentioned that they and the friend are members of the same church and also attend Bible scrutiny together Before the next Bible review or other event at their church Carpooling may wish to say I m not dependably able to drive your son on days you may need a few assistance Perhaps if you mention it to the pastor or our group members they can put together a list of helpers who might also be able to lend a hand Related Articles Asking Eric Stepdaughter suddenly turns on stepmother Asking Eric Mother still paying rent for child s ex Asking Eric Girls trip with mother-in-law ends in resentment Asking Eric Friend s daughter s bad manners ruin social group Asking Eric Parents refuse to return from vacation for hospitalized son If even one or two others can do so that alone can ease certain of the financial burden a bit Here s the thing about volunteerism you often have willing helpers along with those in need but the two haven t been linked together Friend in Deed Dear Fried Love this suggestion It s a great way of solving the obstacle while also fostering group Thanks for writing Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com